Some marriages do not work out. A marriage can fail for many reasons, such as infidelity, poor communication, lack of trust, or dishonesty. When you got engaged to the person you are now divorcing, you likely never dreamed of a day when you would end the marriage and move on. However, if things have not worked out between the two of you for a while and there is no resolving the problems that have accumulated within the relationship, divorce is inevitable. Moving on could be the best thing that you can do for yourself. Things might feel weird at first while you adjust to a new way of life without the person you were married to for quite some time, but you will get through it. There are many things you can do to move on with your life following a divorce; the following are just a few suggestions.
Spend More Time on Yourself
There is a good chance that you have not spent much time on yourself over the past several years. Some people lose themselves during their marriage because their partner attempts to control every aspect of their lives. If you were in that kind of relationship or if you simply put your partner before yourself and your own needs, now is the best time for you to focus on yourself. Do not rush into another relationship with someone else. You do not need to date right away. Instead, do things for yourself that will make you feel good and help you process the many emotions you are experiencing as a result of the divorce.
Spending time on yourself means doing things you love and enjoy. Take a trip to the spa where you can get a relaxing massage, pedicure, facial, and manicure. You will get to rest and relax while doing something that leaves you feeling amazing. If you like going for hikes, start going hiking by yourself. You can enjoy the fresh air and the beautiful scenery while clearing your mind and naturally relieving some of your stress. You will learn a lot about yourself.
Start Going to Individual Counseling
Whether you feel like you need it or not, individual counseling is beneficial for newly divorced people. It does not matter if you were married for a few years or a few decades. You are going to want to have the support of a professional counselor who will lend their ear to you while you talk about all the emotions you are feeling. It helps to let it all out instead of holding your feelings inside and allowing them to cause you emotional pain and agony. When you let things out and talk openly about what happened during the marriage and why you had to move on from your partner, you will feel a lot better.
You can get a lot of great advice from your counselor, too. While it is always good to chat with friends, you might not want to burden them with your problems every time you see them. When you are talking with a counselor, you can open up a lot more than you would with some of your friends. You can trust that anything you are talking about will stay between you and your counselor.
Focus on the Children
If you had children with your ex, try to focus on them as much as possible. You want things to feel normal for them, even though a massive change is taking place in their lives. Divorce has an impact on the couple, but it also has a huge impact on the children. There are times when children start to blame themselves for their parents getting a divorce. They might feel that they have caused a divorce for some reason. You want your children to understand that nothing is their fault. Along with assuring them that the divorce is not happening because of them, you want to spend more time doing things with them that will help take their minds off of the family turmoil.
You can have movie nights at the house with the children, take trips to the park to play, or even go on nature hikes together. Simply spending that quality time with one another is a good thing. It will make you feel better as a parent, but it will make your children feel a lot better, too. If you feel like your children are having an incredibly tough time accepting the divorce, consider family counseling.
Keep Yourself Busy
Some newly divorced people have a difficult time coping with their emotions because they have too much time to think about what they are feeling and going through. While it is good to openly discuss your emotions and let it all out, you do not want to spend too much time sitting at home while thinking of what could have been, what you did wrong, or what you could have done to fix things. When you have a partner who is not cooperative and not trustworthy, there is not much that you can do, especially after giving him or her chance after chance.
If you truly want to move on, you need to do what you can to keep yourself busy. There are plenty of ways to do that. Continue working hard at your job, spend some more time hanging out with your family and friends, engage in different activities that are fun and exciting, and even volunteer some of your time if you have the time to spare. You may want to volunteer at an animal shelter or a homeless shelter where you can do something good for those in need. You would help others while feeling good about the things that you are doing in your life, making it a win-win situation.
Cry it Out if You Need to
Sometimes it feels good to cry it out. You can only try to remain strong for a certain amount of time before you may begin to feel like you are breaking down and going crazy. When you are feeling down about the situation, go into the bathroom and have a good cry. After a few minutes have passed, wipe those tears off and get on with the rest of your day. You may be surprised at how good it can feel to simply cry it out for a few minutes when you are feeling the saddest about the situation.
If you have a friend you can trust with everything, cry to that friend about the way that you are feeling. A good friend will not mind and will listen to you as you let your emotions out. It is much healthier for you to let them out than to keep them inside.
Need to Get Divorced? Hire Bouloukos, Oglesby & Mitchell to Help
If you need to get divorced, hiring an experienced divorce attorney is crucial. You want an attorney who will strive to help you get through this process. If you are in the Birmingham area and you would like to find out about starting the divorce proceedings, contact us for a free consultation. Call our office at 205-352-4205 and we will book your consultation right away. While you might be in a marriage that you want to get out of at the moment, we will make sure you can get a divorce you want and truly need.