When two people agree to get married, they will make that decision because they are in love and hope to spend the rest of their lives together. While these are often the initial intentions, not all marriages last forever. Situations can arise within the relationship that make it difficult to continue on as a married couple. When trust is lost and the spark is no longer there, it becomes even more challenging for a couple to stay together. If you are not sure if divorce is the right move for you, there are certain signs that might help point you in the right direction.
Your Partner Refuses to Get Counseling
If things have been rough within the marriage for quite some time, you may have told your partner that you would like to go to marriage counseling together. No matter how many times you bring up the topic of seeking help from a professional counselor, your spouse may turn his or her head and avoid engaging in that conversation with you. If it has gotten to the point that you are going to counseling alone and your partner is refusing to do something that could benefit the marriage, it may be time to call it quits.
Even the most stubborn person should give counseling a try. Marriage counseling is something that has helped millions of couples across the country learn to identify issues, talk about specific conflicts, and come up with the proper solutions for those conflicts. Some people eventually realize they want to get out of the marriage because things do not work out and others fall back in love with one another because they get better at communicating and listening to each other. If your partner is not even giving it a try, then he or she is not taking things seriously enough and is not prioritizing your relationship.
Your Partner Has Cheated on You Countless Times
Has there been a lot of cheating going on within the relationship? The first time you found out your partner cheated with someone else, you were probably in shock. You could not believe that someone you love so much could hurt you so badly, but it happened. Although you tried to get past it and move on because you love your significant other and you want things to work out, you may have recently found out that your partner has been cheating with other people on multiple occasions.
When a person cheats, it is normal to feel insecure and wonder what you did wrong, but you are not the problem. The cheater is the person with the insecurities and issues, but you can only take so much of it. Not only is it hurtful, but your partner could put you at risk of ending up with a sexually transmitted infection if he or she is having unprotected sex with other people. It is hard to stand by someone who continues to engage in extramarital affairs.
Even if you were going to try to forgive your partner once again, you may feel like you will never be able to trust him or her in the future. It is bad enough to get cheated on one time, but the trust is thrown out the window when you find out it has been happening a lot more often than you thought. If you cannot stand the thought of staying in a marriage with a person who cheats on you, getting a divorce is likely your best option.
You Cannot Stop Cheating on Your Partner
If you are the one doing the cheating, you should ask yourself why you are seeing other people in the first place. What is it that is making you feel the need to seek emotional support and intimacy from someone else? Do you feel like you are not getting enough support at home? You may feel like there is no longer a physical or emotional attraction to your partner and that is the reason you are seeking relationships with other people on the side.
Cheating on your partner is never the right thing to do. If you are unhappy in the marriage, you should let your partner know that you want to take proper steps to get a divorce. It is not right to lead your significant other and lie to him or her while you are spending time with another person and being intimate with that other person. It is only going to cause frustration, drama, and pain to the people in your life. You will feel much better if you do things the right way instead of leading your partner on while cheating behind his or her back.
You Resent Your Partner
You may have a lot of resentment toward your partner for things that have happened in the past. For example, you might have moved hundreds of miles away from your family for the sake of your husband or wife who insisted on relocating. You might feel sheltered and isolated by your partner, which can quickly lead to resentment. If your partner has put his or her wants and needs before your own and is progressing while leaving you in the same spot you have always been in, it is normal to experience feelings of resentment.
You will need to decide if you can get over those feelings of resentment or not. For example, you may believe your partner put his or her career before your own, so you have had to put everything you want to do on the backburner for years. If you cannot get over the resentment that you feel and it is causing you to hate your partner a bit more each day, you might want to think about getting a divorce.
You are Being Mentally or Physically Abused
If your partner is abusing you, the best thing you could possibly do for yourself and for any children you might have with the abuser is to separate and get an official divorce. Some people are mentally abusive while some are physically abusive, and others are a combination of both. A mentally abusive individual will often make you question your own sanity while putting you down and making you feel like you are not worthy of love or happiness in your life. A physical abuser will often use his or her own hands or weapons to inflict pain upon you for no reason other than to have full control over you. It is not healthy to stay in a relationship when physical or mental abuse is taking place.
Things may have been good in the beginning. Your partner gained your love and trust. However, if things have escalated over time and you now feel like you are being tortured and punished or that you need to walk on eggshells because you never know what is going to set your partner off, you should do what you can to get out of the relationship. Most abusers are not going to change. There is nothing wrong with you and you should never be made to feel that way by anyone else.
These are some of the common signs that divorce is the right move for you to make within your marriage. If you are unhappy and you believe nothing is going to change despite the effort you have put into the marriage over the years, getting a divorce is likely the best solution because then you can get a fresh start in your own life. If you would like to meet with a divorce lawyer, contact Bouloukos, Oglesby, & Mitchell at 205-352-4205.